Grover Cleveland: Shoot me. Right in the face.
Right in the GOD. DAMN. FACE.
Posts Tagged ‘Non-consecutiveness’
In the Face
Monday, September 14th, 2009Buffalo to be buffaloed
Sunday, September 13th, 2009
Grover Cleveland: Hmm. This news bodes ills for my beloved but vexing Queen City thrashabouts. A highly thought about left tackle sent to the City of Brotherly Face-Punching because the owner is afraid our negro president favors free silver currency.
I think that was the reason, anyway.
Then, his replacement is unceremoniously cut less than a week before a contest against their most feared rival? Why don’t they hire a Swede or Chinaman to protect Leader Edwards blind side? Oh my. I fear this season of contests will be most disheartening. I believe my earlier optimism was overstated. Below is a list I’d rather experience than this upcoming season of Buffalo Bills football:
- Pizza without pepperoni
- Female suffrage
- A future without coal
- Dental surgery with a katana blade
- Exercise
Buffalo finishes the season at 4-12. The British destruction of the city in 1814 will be less a disaster than this season.
Why Fight Only Dogs?
Saturday, August 15th, 2009
Grover Cleveland: I firmly hoped that the local football club would employ that Vick chap who was so full of mayhem. Alas, the Philadelphia club has engaged my wishes. Time for them to book their train tickets to Florida! I hear Miami is lovely that time of year, though filthy with Latins and children of Moses.
I cannot fathom the disconcertion caused by his staging of canine exhibitions. While mayor of the Queen City I encouraged our fair citizens to fight their creatures of earned husbandry in contest of mortal peril. Look at this splendid measure of Buffalo masculinity:
He looks like a gentleman who would enjoy pitting his animal stock — a rabid lamb, perhaps — against his neighbors’ stock. I think he’s more concerned about winning contests of sport. The spilling of blood is likely a minor concern.
Ducks, perhaps. Ducks would be a better animal to fight.
Once completed, their feathers would make fine bedding.
The Bills will achieve a 6-10 record due to lack of a quality offensive and defensive line.