From time to time, 1601 Pennsylvania Avenue will ask house residents their greatest regrets during their time in office. A literal apology is not required. We leave that to the discretion of the ex-president. Today’s ex-president: James Buchanan.
James Buchanan: Certainly, reasonable men can agree that the culmination of the long-unresolved sectional disagreement was … unfortunate. The aforementioned conflict was a boon to amputee assistance device manufacturers in both the North and South. That … that was a commonality.
Perhaps I was in error for conspiring with a Supreme Court justice from my native Pennsylvania to rule against that runaway slave, what was his name? Scott, or something. And maybe — just maybe — it was wrong to allow members of my Cabinet to relocate stocks of federal arms to Southern states on the eve of secession. And I’ll concede blaming my fellow northerners for the ills of sectional discord was a poor choice.
I apologize for these errors I committed during my presidency.
I apologize because these measures didn’t go far enough.